found online by Raymond
From John Pavlovitz:
Prayer became a daily, glorified Christmas List; an ever-growing petition for the stuff I wanted from the Big Man, and my job was to do enough to merit those things and to understand that my performance was the key to it all. Good kids got good things.
Like Santa, God was conditionally benevolent. He was prepared to be unfathomably generous with blessings—but I had to earn it. Yes, God had Grace to lavish on us, but we had to do enough to get Him to open His bag.
I no longer have peace with that God.