Ted Cruz Connects With Voters By Wearing Handsome Man’s Face

 
From The Onion:

DALLAS—In an effort to make himself more appealing to voters, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) reportedly tried to connect with the audience at a candidate forum Tuesday by wearing the bloody, skinned face of a far more handsome man as a mask. “People are really responding to this new, dapper Ted Cruz,” said campaign manager Jeff Roe, noting that recent internal polls show that since Cruz adopted the new look, voters are twice as likely to describe the expressionless, gore-covered incumbent as “trustworthy,” “affable,” or “charming.”

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