Performed by John Fugelsang:
Transcribed for those too impatient for actual performance:
It’s a beautiful day on my legal team,
a big league rate job for a lawyer.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
I lost Cohen, Dowd, and Cobb in a matter of weeks,
hired a guy named Flood to help stop the leaks.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
I’ve always wanted to have a lawyer just like you
Rudy’s afraid I’ll perjure myself or worse:
Say something true.
I may have colluded and broke campaign laws.
I even crapped on the Emoluments Clause
Won’t you please,
Won’t you please,
Please won’t you be my lawyer
Speaking:
Hello, lawyer, I’m so happy to see you.
Can you shut these bitches up
about an affair I had 10 years ago?
And take my sneakers.
I don’t want to change these myself.