From The Onion:
“Our initial data showed that Americans are impulsive and tend toward willful ignorance—findings that are consistent with past research,” said Professor Spencer Dixon, who led the study on U.S. culture and society. “But what we were surprised and, honestly, a little delighted to find is that Americans’ short attention spans, simplemindedness, and inability to articulate a coherent idea can actually make them pretty lovable.”
“It’s hard to describe,” Dixon continued. “It’s just all these little quirks they have. And after a month or two of observation, they kind of start to grow on you.”
After thousands of interviews with citizens from every socioeconomic, racial, and ethnic background, the UNM researchers discovered that despite the tendency of many Americans to do the loudest, dumbest thing possible at any given moment, the populace is “in the end, pretty hard not to like” and in many instances “sort of charming, frankly.”