found online by Raymond
From The Onion:
DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
According to the researchers, carbon dating concluded that the fossilized skeleton is that of a Paleolithic man—nicknamed “Felix” by the team of scientists responsible for the find—who died perfectly contented and unencumbered by regret roughly 30,000 years ago.